The musings of a quarter life.

Mad to Love: Everyday Grace

2012-01-23T17:09:00.000-05:00

Cory Copeland is at it again; addressing issues that plague me and I fail at putting into words. I hope this blesses someone:

"I hold a grudge like you wouldn’t believe. Like, I’m still upset about something that happened in 2nd grade and I’m almost twenty-seven. It’s a small part of me that I don’t particularly like, but it’s always been there, resting in my heart. And even though I’ve tried my hardest to correct it, still it remains. I realize how pathetic it sounds, but the truth is I have a hard time of forgiving those who have slighted me; especially if they don’t feel the need to acknowledge their mistake and apologize. That makes me want to burn their house down.

While I consider myself to be the kind of person who addresses things with a fairly laid back approach, there’s something about being done wrong that sets my temper ablaze. Maybe it’s because I feel disrespected or taken advantage of; honestly, I’m not sure. Whatever the case, I need to be more willing to extend grace and forgiveness toward those who do me harm in these grandiose moments of betrayal. It’s what a good Christian would do.
I think on this and chastise myself for being so childish about things that probably mean very little in correlation to the big picture that is my life. But then I consider the even smaller slights that happen every day; the ones that incite my anger for only a moment: the idiot who cuts me off in traffic and then feels the need to offer me a one finger salute for whatever reason; or the coworker who decides that I should be helping them do their work on top of my own. These types of things agitate me and cause my mood to sour. They’re obviously trivial, and yet I allow them to affect me in a deepened way. It’s because I am not willing to offer the same reoccurring grace God shows toward me every single day.

It’s one thing to be willing to give forgiveness and grace when we are wounded mightily, but it takes an abundance of grace to provide it in response to the everyday things that set us off. It isn’t easy by any means, yet if we allow ourselves to recognize and appreciate the forgiveness that is afforded to us on a continual basis, maybe we can then begin to show that same kind of grace to those who do us even the smallest act of disservice.

We readily accept God’s grace into our lives to combat and rectify our everyday wrongdoing; it’s time we—and especially I—extend that same amazing grace to those around us."

source

Will You Hear the Call?

2012-01-16T10:27:00.000-05:00

Taken from My Utmost for His Highest: "The Voice of the Nature of God"

I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: ’Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?’ —Isaiah 6:8

"When we talk about the call of God, we often forget the most important thing, namely, the nature of Him who calls. There are many things calling each of us today. Some of these calls will be answered, and others will not even be heard. The call is the expression of the nature of the One who calls, and we can only recognize the call if that same nature is in us. The call of God is the expression of God’s nature, not ours. God providentially weaves the threads of His call through our lives, and only we can distinguish them. It is the threading of God’s voice directly to us over a certain concern, and it is useless to seek another person’s opinion of it. Our dealings over the call of God should be kept exclusively between ourselves and Him.

The call of God is not a reflection of my nature; my personal desires and temperament are of no consideration. As long as I dwell on my own qualities and traits and think about what I am suited for, I will never hear the call of God. But when God brings me into the right relationship with Himself, I will be in the same condition Isaiah was. Isaiah was so attuned to God, because of the great crisis he had just endured, that the call of God penetrated his soul. The majority of us cannot hear anything but ourselves. And we cannot hear anything God says. But to be brought to the place where we can hear the call of God is to be profoundly changed."

In This Place

2012-01-12T12:28:00.001-05:00

"Who but the same God Who stands in the darker, fouler rooms of our hearts and says, 'Yes, let the God of Heaven and Earth be born here--in THIS PLACE."
- Leslie Leyland Fields

When It Died

2012-01-10T11:19:00.001-05:00

It used to be this dominating thing inside of me
Filling my head with thoughts of suicide...death...cutting...violence...
Making me believe that to kill myself was the only way.
I used to spend days screaming inside while quietly hurting.
The quiet girl no one understood.
Then one day, I heard of this man name Jesus who could wipe away everything.
But could He take away this monster, when the monster had become me?
It became a war, Jesus wanting all of me while this monster grew stronger because I failed to feed my spirit.
Finally, I reached my breaking point. I was tired of fighting, of never being this person who was free.
"Why can't I be free?" I screamed out loud only to hear a soft response "The prison doors have always been open, the chains have been removed, you have chosen to stay there when you have been free all along."
Tears stung my eyes...my heart pounded in my ears...determination flowed in my veins as I took my first step.
The monster inside fought back screaming at me that hope was for the weak...I will always be a statistic...people will always have something to say about me...I will never fit in...
But with each step I took, his voice lowered and I could hear Jesus voice getting louder saying "Come to me, I know you are weak, but I will give you rest."
I fell on my knees, aware of a Savior that shouldn't have died for me but He did...He wanted to die for me...and that is what kept me going.
I started to crawl, at first looking at the ground, at the filth that I had become used to... I cried more.
"Look up, look at Me." I hear my Savior softly say.
I looked up...I became determined to leave my situation to just be in His arms, to feel the peace that only He could give.
I felt the monster inside becoming weaker and weaker....and then it died.....
Jesus met me at the door of my prison. He picked me up and touched my heart.
I felt Him move through me, move in me, removing me.
Removing the girl who would cut herself, the girl who thought life wasn't living, the girl who didn't believe.
He gave me strength for today. He gave me hope for tomorrow and a Comforter to walk with me every step of the way.

2011: Things I've Learned

2011-12-30T13:16:00.003-05:00

I feel that everything that happens to you whether good or bad can teach you something. There's a saying that goes something like this "those who don't learn will feel". I rather learn from it than repeat it and it hurt me. I just wanted to share some things that I've learned this year

1. Not everyone is for you: I say that will all the love that I can, but it's the truth. Not every people you meet you will form a lasting bond, attachment, etc. This year, sadly A LOT of "friendships" and acquaintances came to an end. I realized that I was putting a lot of people first; before God and myself. I have put myself in hazard relationships where honesty was held back because it wasn't in reality a true friendship. Being exposed to true, genuine people opened my eyes to what a true friendship looks like. If honesty and being open poses a problem to your "friendship" than it's not a friendship. The word friendship is a compound word. Friend means: A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection. Ship means: A vessel larger than a boat for transporting people or goods by sea. So, friendship means a mutual bond between two or more people moving in the same direction, rowing in the same direction based on a mutual agreement. That being said, are your "friendships" based on a mutual agreement? Have you guys decided that there is a direction that you both agree to go? What is being required from each party?

2. You win some, you lose some. There are things that I have gained this year and there are many things that I have lost. Through every situation, I have learned to see what the lesson was from it. When someone says something negative to me, I think what should be my reaction or how should I react to it. I don't get everything right, after all I am human. I try to learn from everything, because everything will not always work out in my favor. The main thing is that the way you reaction to a situation shows you who you really are.

3. The best things in life are free. I have experience wonderful things this year: the VV retreat, attending Hillsong NYC and being led into worship by Brooke Ligertwood, SWITCHFOOT and ANBERLIN in concert (#1 epic experience ever!), seeing the Macy's fireworks for the first time, attending Alexander McQueen's "Savage Beauty" exhibit at 1 o'clock in the morning, etc. but it wasn't what I was doing but who I was with. I have had the pleasure to meet and hang out with some wonderful people this year and through each event God has shown me that no amount of money can pay for amazing company.

4. Some moments will stay with you all your life. I had the pleasure of retreating to the mountains in September with my sister, my First Lady ( the Pastor's Wife), and two other friends and seek God for 3 days. It was amazing! To be touched in such a way that I know I can never go back but I must push forward to higher heights and deeper depths in Christ is something that I wish all believers and even non-believers would have the opportunity to experience. I came back with the determination that my relationship with God will not put on the back burner but will be the first thing I think as I do everything. I can't explain how it felt to be touched by God that weekend, it was like He put a tattoo on my heart, my soul and I am marked as His forever.

5. Put your heart in God's hands and it won't break. I must confess that this year I had many emotional relationships this year, but none of them were actual relationships, lol. It's so sad but true. It all stopped in the summer. God asked for me, all of me and my heart was the one thing He wanted more than anything else. Since I've given Him my heart, it has been scar free, it hasn't been broken or misused at all. I haven't had to come to Him to ask Him to heal my heart or fix scars since He has had it. My heart is a beautiful and valuable thing. I am a person that when I love, I love completely; I would lay down my live and defend that person to the end. That kind of love can't be given to everyone (though you should love like Christ), this kind of love is reserved for a lover and his beloved. Until that relationship comes, my heart will be in perfect care.

6. What you put in is what you get out. If you want to have something amazing, you have to put in the work. I have learned this about everything. If you want all A's in class you have to study and pay attention. If you want to have great friends be a great friend. If you want a deeper relationship with Christ, be in His face. If you want BSL (Bra-Strap Length) hair, you have to take care of the hair you have now. What you put in will be reflected in what you get out.

7. It's NEVER all about you. Working with the children at church especially the young girls has made me realize that whatever I say to them they have to see it evident in my life. It has become sort of check for me, everything I do (even the things that they don't see) has to echo Christ. It isn't about me, my life has to carry the melody, the tune of Christ. If I'm off key, everyone will be able to tell. I have to live a life for Him so that the next generation can move forward, not backwards in Christ. It should have a wildfire effect, one spark creates the blaze that keeps spreading.

8. If you have nothing nice to say, DON'T say anything at all. I don't feel that I need to explain something that explains itself in such a short sentence. Edification and opinions are too different things. One is for growth the other is meant to cut down and destroy.

9. Your Silent Years are the most painful years. The Lord has been in control of my tongue lately, and when I speak I have learned to let Him have control. I feel my frankness has been something that the Lord has taken hold of and curbed for His glory. The body of Christ is in a lukewarm state and God had been taken the time to deal with us. To listen as He speaks and be aware of where I come short and the slack that He has taken up is humbling and to be made aware of all that we need to do for God has broken my heart when I realize that we have been moving out of flesh and not in the direction of His spirit. The training time is not the easiest time but I have to go through the fire to come out as pure gold. There's a lot of impurities in me that need to come out so I can shine the way God intended.

10. Your peers can provide the best encouragement. I have received the best encouragement from some people I haven't met! I have to give a shout-out to Cory Copeland who has blessed me tremendously since I discovered his blog of God-inspired awesomeness (lol), and Adriana Maravilla who is younger than me but so hungry for God that she has blessed me with her honesty. I've also been blessed by my First Lady (she is only my peer since she's only 10 years older than me and is like a big sis to me....I absolutely love her), my wonderful friends at Village Vespers and even my baby sis! Through these people God has shown me and reminded me that I am on this road for a reason; I am doing HIS work and I can't come down.

I feel like I can write forever, but I won't torment you guys with that. I pray that God will bless each and every one of you. I pray that 2012 will be an amazing year and you will draw closer to God. Be blessed.

My Utmost for His Highest- Where the Battle is Won or Lost

2011-12-27T14:01:00.000-05:00

I have to share this with you guys. Lately, the Lord has made me uncomfortable with things as usual. He has convicted me, loved me, and made me aware of how much I need Him. I came across this entry during my devotionals and I wanted to share this with you guys in the hope that we can all make it to that next level in Christ. After all, we are all part of one body. May this edify and take you to a higher level in Christ. Be blessed.

"Our battles are first won or lost in the secret places of our will in God’s presence, never in full view of the world. The Spirit of God seizes me and I am compelled to get alone with God and fight the battle before Him. Until I do this, I will lose every time. The battle may take one minute or one year, but that will depend on me, not God. However long it takes, I must wrestle with it alone before God, and I must resolve to go through the hell of renunciation or rejection before Him. Nothing has any power over someone who has fought the battle before God and won there.

I should never say, “I will wait until I get into difficult circumstances and then I’ll put God to the test.” Trying to do that will not work. I must first get the issue settled between God and myself in the secret places of my soul, where no one else can interfere. Then I can go ahead, knowing with certainty that the battle is won. Lose it there, and calamity, disaster, and defeat before the world are as sure as the laws of God. The reason the battle is lost is that I fight it first in the external world. Get alone with God, do battle before Him, and settle the matter once and for all.
In dealing with other people, our stance should always be to drive them toward making a decision of their will. That is how surrendering to God begins. Not often, but every once in a while, God brings us to a major turning point— a great crossroads in our life. From that point we either go toward a more and more slow, lazy, and useless Christian life, or we become more and more on fire, giving our utmost for His highest— our best for His glory."

source

Challenges for 2012

2011-12-26T22:06:00.026-05:00

Here are a few things I would like to challenge myself to get done for 2012. I would love to have some accountability partners to help me out with this:

1. Every morning remind myself "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Sometimes you just need to say that to yourself, even when you don't feel like you are. God made me and a beautiful Creator can only create beautiful things.

2. Avoid scissors and a barber. I love cutting my hair, but next year its time to grow it out. Challenge: grow out the fro and do what's required to retain length (moisturize, seal, deep conditioning treatments, etc). No "protective" hairstyles since my hair and scalp doesn't respond kindly to hair that's not mine.

3. Keep my room clean. Don't ask, I don't even want to talk about it.

4. Start sewing and sketching. It's time for my line to start coming together, its hard to find clothes I like if its not from Free People, lol. Challenge: work on the patterns my aunt gave me, set time aside to sew, and work on my inspiration board.

5. Love unconditionally. It's not that I don't love people, I just don't give a lot of people who have done me wrong or played them self in one way or another the time of day. Challenge: to love in sprite of, even if its with a 4 foot stick, lol.

6. Dress the part. I work in fashion, and I dress wonderfully in the Summer, when Winter comes I go into layer mode with combat boots.....Challenge: dress nice always, even when I'm not feeling like it or wanting to. The way we dress send out a message of our opinions of ourselves, whether we mean it or not.

7. Be a tourist. I live in the greatest city in the world: NYC and I have yet to experience most of the things that my wonderful city has to offer. Challenge: once a month go to a museum, fair, etc. and experience what it has to offer.

8. Always be honest. I find sometimes when I talk to God I keep somethings to myself. I hold back because I don't want to be a nag. Challenge: Bring EVERYTHING to the Lord in prayer. God loves an open and honest relationship with Him and I have to do my part.

9. Be healthy. After doing the Daniel's Fast for the month of November I was exposed to a whole new food genre and I have to say I loved it! Challenge: eat clean (minimum preservatives in food) and healthy, workout at least 3x a week or each morning before leaving for work.

10. Manage my time. I need to schedule my time so that I don't burn out. Challenge: create a schedule that allows me to get the required amount of sleep so that I can function and get everything else done (school work, bible study, laundry, me time, etc.).

11. Be Makeup Free. Well, sort of. I would like to have a skin regimen hammered down so that I can get rid of my foundation and concealer. I want to be able to come to work fresh face and not look tired or weird, lol. (I will still wear eye liner, mascara, and occasionally mineral powder.)

12. Open up. I am a serious introvert. I love to keep to myself and feel more comfortable with no one around. A lot of people DO NOT get this. Challenge: make small talk when I'm genuinely interested in having a conversation. The reason I say genuine is because I have been exposed to people who start conversations but do it for the sake of doing it and have no real interest in the person of what is being discussed. I want to be different, I want when I speak to you that I remember what was said and that you feel that I actually care.

So, that's my Bucket List for 2012. I will probably add more throughout next year. I will try to work on a list for goals that I would like spiritually to do, but that only works when the Spirit of God is leading. I hope I have encouraged you to challenge yourself. Be blessed.

Happy Jesus Birthday!!!!

2011-12-25T23:46:00.001-05:00

May we never forget the best gift we could ever receive: Jesus Christ. God gave us His son so that we could have life and have it more abundantly. I find myself so humbled when I think about a God who loved me so much that He held nothing back to have me; not even His son. Let us be mindful of the true reason for this day: the celebration of Emmanuel (God with us). Jesus took on flesh and dwelt with us so He could die for us and rise again so we can become heirs and joint heirs with Christ. Be blessed.

Mad to Love: Do Soulmates Exist?

2011-12-22T12:26:00.000-05:00

"I wish you could’ve met my grandfather. He was an amazing man who was effortlessly cool like James Dean or Kerouac’s Moriarty. He worked tirelessly in the oil fields for over thirty years, and did so with a proud but quiet dignity. He wasn’t a complainer, nor was he lazy. My grandpa was a man I can proudly call “hero”. He gave continuously to his job, his church, his family, and—especially—his wife; doting on her and loving her with everything he was as a man and a provider. When I sit and consider the true love every one of us hopes to experience, the way my grandfather loved my grandmother is what comes to my mind. If there ever were soulmates, they were it.

And that’s why I feel torn. The intellectual side of me realizes that there are over 6 billion people in the world, so the belief that there is exactly one person for me and exactly one person for you seems almost impossible. The numbers do not support the theory. It’s all too random. But then, I turn romantic and deeply want to believe that only one woman can complete me the way I desire; only one woman can give me all that I need, and I to her in return. That seems lovely and rather perfect, I suppose. That true love exists for me and only her, is something which sparks the imagination and heightens the senses of the soul.

And yet, what of those who never marry? Was their disappointment in never being married simply their own fault for not being in the right place at the right time? Are those people really punished and destined to lead a less-than-happy existence simply because they never happened to meet the one person who could bring the happiness of true, everlasting love? I can’t bring myself to accept that either.

Perhaps love is a gamble we take. Perhaps soulmates don’t really exist, but the closest thing to it can be the connection you feel with the one person who “gets” you. Maybe our choosing to be with that person, to be theirs and only theirs for as long as either of us is breathing, is as close to having a soulmate as we’ll ever get. Perhaps love is a choice we make. Perhaps love is not found in a person, but rather a journey we take with another.

Do soulmates exist? Honestly, I don’t know. But love does.
And maybe that’s enough."

Cory does it again. I hope you enjoy this, be blessed.

Words For the Week- December 19, 2011

2011-12-19T16:41:00.001-05:00

I just wanted to share this with you guys as words of encouragement to start your week. God willing I will be able to do this on a regular basis. I will post 5-6 quotes to just help us along this week as we walk for Christ and let our lights shine. It isn't easy but we can do this in Jesus name. Be blessed.

"He does not call us to be noticed and applauded by the world. He calls us to decrease, more and more, that He might increase within us."- Leslie Ludy

"I am not strong enough to love You and walk with You on my own. I can’t do it, and I need You. I need You deeply and desperately. I believe You are worth it, that You are better than anything else I could have in this life or the next. I want You. And when I don’t, I want to want You. Be all in me. Take all of me. Have Your way with me."- Adriana Maravilla

"I wish we would take Him at His word. When He says we’re forgiven, let’s unload the guilt. When He says we’re valuable, let’s believe Him. When He says we’re provided for, let’s stop worrying."- Max Lucado

"John the Baptist had a clear understanding of his calling, and he was content to fulfill it, even when it meant the diminishing of his role. As Christians we must be content. If I can never preach as well as some other preacher, I have to be content to preach the best I can. You and I cannot go beyond the grace of God in our lives. We cannot receive a gift from God just because we want one. The Holy Spirit gives us gifts according to His will for us, and we must be satisfied with what He gives."- Joyce Meyer

"If you are sensitive to God’s way, your message as His servant will be merciless and insistent, cutting to the very root. Otherwise, there will be no healing. We must drive the message home so forcefully that a person cannot possibly hide, but must apply its truth. Deal with people where they are, until they begin to realize their true need. Then hold high the standard of Jesus for their lives."- My Utmost for His Highest

"God does not further our spiritual life in spite of our circumstances, but in and by our circumstances."- Oswald Chambers

Herieth Paul for Dress to Kill Winter 2011

2011-12-08T11:35:00.001-05:00

Herieth Paul is making me want to be a blonde for the winter....

image source

The Big Sisters Club

2011-12-06T12:17:00.000-05:00

My sister has to be one of the craziest people I know....and to say that means she really is, lol. I dedicate this post to my baby sis who isn't a baby anymore; she's a strong, dependent (on Christ) woman of God in training. She loves the Lord and you can clearly see by the way He moves on her behalf, He loves her so much. So this is my sister: Ms. Whitney who is on her way to becoming a Proverb 31 woman. I love you, and may God continue to bless you as you continue to walk in His shadow feet.

Encourage the younger ones in your life, they need it. Titus 2:3-5 tells us as older women that we should train the younger ones in Christ: "Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled,pure,working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands,that the word of God may not be reviled." We have a duty to the current generation, how can we expect them to know what is right and expected of them if we don't show them? How will a young woman know that to carry herself like a lady if we don't remind them everyday that they are "fearfully and wonderfully made." It's time to step up and do our job; its time to start changing lives. Be blessed.

Deliverance Fast (Day 30)- Just The Beginning

2011-11-30T17:36:00.002-05:00

"I'm still not where I need to be, but I thank God I'm not where I used to be."

-Joyce Meyer

I know that this fast was just the beginning of an amazing relationship with my Father....I'm so excited for what He will do in me, through me and on my behalf. Be blessed.

Deliverance Fast (Day 29)- Be Found......Don't Look

2011-11-29T16:31:00.000-05:00

image source

Deliverance Fast (Day 27)- Lead Me All the Way

2011-11-27T22:58:00.001-05:00

My eyes are constantly fixed on You,

My ears are desperate for the next word from You,

My heart ready to receive.

Lead me all the way.

-My FB status after an amazing worship and word from Hillsong NYC

Deliverance Fast (Day 21)- 21 Days to Form A Habit

2011-11-21T11:57:00.002-05:00

Day 21....wow, I have to say that I only made it this far because the Lord bid it so. So many things are happening to me, around me, through me, etc. I can't go back to just ok. My desire for a deeper walk with God grows everyday. I'm hooked.

Deliverance Fast (Day 20)- Surrender

2011-11-20T20:47:00.003-05:00

"I surrender, I surrender. I want to know You more, I want to know You more."- Hillsong NYC Sunday Worship

My sister and I just left 6pm service at Hillsong NYC....no words can express how awesome and amazing God is. I had a worship experience with God that has left me hungry and even more thirsty for my Bread of Life and Living Waters.......I surrender myself for a chance to know my Lord and Savior more.

Deliverance Fast (Day 18)- Plans

2011-11-18T16:33:00.000-05:00

"Sometimes your plans don't work out because God has better ones."- Tumblr

(Throws plans in the garbage, lol).

Deliverance Fast- (Day 16) Everything in God's Time

2011-11-16T22:53:00.004-05:00

I come before you Lord, restless, tired and at times annoyed.

I ask God that You take these feelings and replace them with Your peace.

I love You Lord, and I want to please You and live a life that shows You and You alone are head of it.

Help me to remember that everything happens when You allow it and when it's best.

I thank You for hearing and answering my prayer.

In no other name, but in Jesus name I pray.

Amen.

Deliverance Fast (Day 15)- Act Like A Child Sometimes

2011-11-15T16:36:00.001-05:00

"God wants you to approach life with childlike faith. He wants you to grow up in your behavior but remain childlike in your attitude of trust and dependence on Him. Living your life with the simplicity of a child will change your whole outlook in a most amazing way." - Joyce Meyer

source

Deliverance Fast (Day 9)- Mad to Love: Idol Love

2011-11-09T09:57:00.001-05:00

Have you ever been in love? Have you found yourself swept wide of reason, and aptly swayed by the notion of forever? I had that once; it was terrible. Well, the love itself wasn’t, but the relationship that produced—and then abandoned—that love was terrible. Not at first, but as a whole. Many mistakes were made, and lessons were learned. I’m a better, wiser man because of it. But even with my experiencing this somewhat wretched attempt at love, I find myself aching to feel something of resemblance soon. Maybe it’s the romantic in me; maybe it’s the fact that we humans crave that connection; maybe I just don’t feel like being alone anymore. Whatever that deepened desire is it crashes my conscience and calls to my heart. Love, love, love…oh, what a wonderful mess.

And even as I feel myself wanting that feeling again, I can’t help but notice the place of reverence I—and seemingly everyone else—have placed this notion of love. We see it in our movies, and read of it in our books. It’s made up to be the great corrector of our problems, and mighty concealer of our less-than-stellar qualities. Love has been constructed to be our beautiful provider of fairytales, humble yet strong in the course it shapes for our life. But what happens when love abandons us and leaves us in tears and pain? Where is the mighty promise then? Love has become the idol we allow ourselves to worship without pause, and surprised in acceptance. Love is no longer a battlefield, but rather a diatribe of unwelcomed portrayals and false advertising. We ache for this love, while disregarding the fickle nature of our priorities.
I’ve maintained that one must be fulfilled and happy in and of themselves before they can be truly content within the confines of a relationship…and even today, I hold this to be true. Yet, how are we to be content and fulfilled when we willingly raise love on its pedestal, high and revered before us? We’ve made it into the great goal of our lives, when really it’s simply a blessing from a loving Father Who desires to see us sheltered and whole in His love.
If romantic love is the ultimate achievement of our days, then we are failing in life—and in love. It’s time we brought love down from the riser we’ve placed it on, and put that same effort in to living our days as He sees fit. Love is a lovely possibility, but it’s not the end-all of our existence.

Love is a blessing—just not one we should covet so readily. One day, we may find that pixie of a feeling; but until then, we must walk on with our heart bared bright for Him, living and breathing in the grace and goodness He provides.

This has been one of the topics on my heart during the fast.

source

Happy 27th Birthday!!!!

2011-11-08T22:25:00.000-05:00

This past Saturday, I celebrated my 27th birthday with my friends at Village Vespers. It was at Spice Restaurant, a thai spot in the Chelsea area. Since my sister and I are on the fast and eating vegan, it was a great choice. Anyway, I was blessed and I loved it. I wore a mauve vintage dress from Atlantis Attic which has become my go to place for all my dresses. I don't have a full picture of the dress, but next time I wear it I'll take a pic. Be blessed.

Deliverance Fast (Day 7)- Prepare for War

2011-11-07T10:38:00.001-05:00

"For though we walk (live) in the flesh, we are not carrying on our warfare according to the flesh and using mere human weapons. For the weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood], but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds,"
(2 Corinthians 10:3-4 AMP)

Deliverance Fast (Day 1)- Let God Handle It

2011-11-01T17:04:00.001-04:00

It's been awhile. Today I begin my fast (vegan foods only, kind of like the Daniel Fast) for the month of November. I call it a Deliverance Fast because there are things that my sister, mother and I will be praying for collectively to be delivered from. The structure is pretty simple:

Starting at 6:00am we pray every 3 hours (6:00, 9:00, 12:00, etc). At Midnight, we will join together for a corporate prayer.
Vegan diet (restrict snacking as much as possible, eat only to refuel not fill, and no coffee.....sigh)
Meditate on Bible verses that tie in to what we will be praying for or prayed for.
Remember that God hears the prayer of His people.
Stay in a praying mindset and prepare for war.

I say prepare for war because we are doing something we have never done before in our family: joining together to pray & fast. We are all agreeing on the deliverance for many things including my brother from his current situation. We know the devil will be beyond mad because we are determined to claim back what belongs to God. We are joining together touching and agreeing; we are uniting.

Day 1: Be Still & Let God Do His Thing
"...Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will work for you today. Forthe Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The LORD will fight for you, and you have onlyto be silent." Exodus 14: 13-14 (ESV)

Don't be afraid, stand firm! God has not given us a spirit of fear but of POWER,and of LOVE, and of a SOUND MIND! (2 Timothy 1:7 KJV, caps mine). There should be no fear in making our request know to God, after all He is our Father! We are suppose to go to our Dad and let Him handle the situation for us. Power, we have been given power through the Holy Spirit to move in faith and the authority given to us by Christ Jesus. Love, God is love and love is God so we have been given God....can you imagine that? The Maker of this whole universe gives Himself to us to we can be closer to Him.

Since He has given Himself to us and for us, He will fight for us. He will handle our situation because He cares for us and its His job. He is our Banner (Jehovah- Nissi), our Provider (Jehovah- Jireh), our Peace (Jehovah-Shalom), etc, etc, etc. Defending His children is just one of the many hats God wears. That being said, I pray that today you be still and let God handle the situation. Whatever it may be, a conflict at work, with a friend, a bill that needs to be paid...BE QUIET! Let God handle it and when He handles it He will tell you what to do. Be blessed.

I AM.....

2011-10-27T17:54:00.000-04:00

I'm a part of the fellowship of the unashamed.

I have Holy Spirit power.

I've stepped over the line.

The decision has been made.

I'm a disciple of His.

I won't look back,

let up, slow down,

back away, or be still.

My past redeemed,

my present makes sense,

my future is secure.

I'm finished and done with low living,

sidewalking, small planning,

smooth-knees, colorless dreams,

tame visions, worldly-talking,

cheap-giving, and dwarf goals.

I no longer need pre-eminence,

position, promotion,

applause, or popularity.

I don't have to be right,

first, tops, recognized,

praised, regarded, or rewarded.
I now live by faith,

lean on His presence, walk by patience.

I am uplifted by prayer and labour by power.

My face is set.

My gait is fast.

My goal is Heaven.

My road is narrow.

My way is rough.

My companions are few.

My God reliable.

My mission is clear.

I cannot be bought, compromised,

detoured, lured away,

turned back, deluded, or delayed.

I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice,

hesitate in the presence of my adversaries,

negotiate at the table of my enemy,

or ponder at the pool of popularity.

I won't give up, shut up, let up,

until I've stayed up, stored up, prayed up,

preached up for the cause of Christ.

I am a disciple of Jesus.

source

I'm Standing On the Edge of Me....

2011-10-24T13:06:00.000-04:00

"I'm standing on the edge of me
I'm standing on the edge of me
I'm standing on the edge of me
I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before.
And i've been standing on the edge of me, standing on the edge"
On Fire- Switchfoot

Realizations....And Other Things

2011-10-23T01:19:00.006-04:00

"Take time to realize...."

I have found myself in this place that no words can describe. The calming presence that only Jesus can bring has removed the fog from my life. I can see clearly (a little too clearly at times) and what I once thought I wanted has become just a memory as God shows me what I need....Need....To need means a lack of something wanted of deemed essential or indispensable. God is showing me there is something that is essential to my growth, to my next level as a believer, and though I didn't realize it before I am made aware of it now. There's that classic bible verse that every child learns growing up from Psalm 23: "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want." The Amplified Bible says "THE LORD is my Shepherd [to feed, guide, and shield me], I shall not lack." I shall not lack.... I shall not lack....I shall not LACK! The Lord is my provider, my guide, and my protector....That means I shall never go hungry, be without shelter, and never overtaken because he is my Lord. He is mine. There's a relationship there, one that nothing else can measure up to. And that's normally where I get cheesy and smile like an idiot. The idea that I have a relationship with the Creator of everything,that He hears me when I pray, ramble, cry, and laugh is humbling and at the same time empowering. I can go to the Lord when I need a listening ear, when I have a request (there's one I have been repeating over and over, lol) and when I need to just be still and know that He is God and He needs to talk to me (we forget that part in that relationship a lot). I guess after all my rambling I just want to say I thank God for this chapter of my life....and I have to say I am very excited for the next one ;-)
Be blessed.

Reminder....

2011-10-20T15:15:00.001-04:00

"You don't fit in because you were never meant to fit in."
-Hillsong NYC eXchange

Wearing His Mark

2011-10-18T14:52:00.003-04:00

Sorry I have been missing for a bit....I was trying to figure out how to write this so that the message comes across clear:

For those who don't know, I am very active in the Children's department at my church. I can say with all honesty that I love those rugrats even when I'm in a bad mood and their running on the ceiling, lol. I believe that they will be the ones to take a stand for Christ and let His light burn brightly in this fallen world. That being said, let's start this entry. I have a very close relationship with the girls since I'm their dance teacher and have to be the one to have that "you're becoming a young woman" talk without totally freaking them out on me..... So, one Sunday I was at church cheering up one of the girls who was upset. I gave her my usual hug and kiss on the cheek. The only difference from the other times was I was wearing lipstick that day, so it left a mark. Before I could leave, I had to kiss all the little girls on their cheeks because they wanted everyone to know that I kissed them too, lol.... Fast forward to this weekend, if you would have came by my church this Sunday you would have seen a sea of little girls with a red lipstick kiss on their cheek. They were so proud to walk around with the mark that I put on them. It was so funny, but it was also an opportunity for God to remind me that we should be excited and proud to wear His mark, and show it to everyone we meet....actually they should be able to see His mark on us without us saying a word based on our actions. Just how the girls lined up for a kiss on their cheek and one even told me to put more lipstick on so their mark would be bright, let us be eager to wear the mark of Jesus Christ.

"Clothe yourselves therefore, as God's own chosen ones (His own picked representatives), [who are] purified and holy and well-beloved [by God Himself, by putting on behavior marked by] tenderhearted pity and mercy, kind feeling, a lowly opinion of yourselves, gentle ways, [and] patience [which is tireless and long-suffering, and has the power to endure whatever comes, with good temper]." Colossians 3:12 (AMP)

Be blessed.

2011-10-10T12:29:00.001-04:00

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose."- Jim Eliot

Live the Life

2011-10-06T15:31:00.000-04:00

".....(Lead a life) worthy of the [divine] calling to which you have been called [with behavior that is a credit to the summons to God's service, living as becomes you] with complete lowliness of mind (humility) and meekness (unselfishness, gentleness, mildness), with patience, bearing with one another and making allowances because you love one another." Ephesians 4:1b-2 (AMP)

This past week , I've been blessed with being more responsibility at my job. I can not tell you how excited I am for it. I wanted to be able to handle more because I know I've been equipped for the task. My prayer is that I don't lose sight of myself (as a Christian in the fashion business) and more importantly I don't forget Who has blessed me with this position. Everyday I have an opportunity to show Jesus; in my actions/reactions first and words later. My cousin always says "To the unsaved, you are the Bible. They have to see the word of God in you." So I pray that they see God in me, they see the what the Bible says I should be. Ask yourself today: are you living a life that is worthy of your divine calling (as a Christian)? Remember, we are ambassadors of Christ. Think of Jesus as a country, we are citizens of Jesus Christ. In our actions and dealings with others we have to let them know where we are from, they should be able to here it in our "accent", lol. We must obey the laws of the land but also remember where we come from (this place is not our home, we are merely passing through)......sorry for the rant. Keep that in mind next time you are at work. Be blessed.

Mad to Love: You Are Beautiful

2011-10-05T10:25:00.000-04:00

"How many ways are there to tell someone they’re easy on the eyes?
“You’re pretty”

“You make my heart skip a beat”

“HOLYCRAPYOURESOFREAKINGHOT!!”

I’d bet there are a million…at least. And if there are a million ways to tell someone they are good lookin’, then it only makes sense that there are (at least) a million ways in which to be beautiful. If that is indeed the case, why do so many souls lack the desire to witness their own internal and eternal beauty?
It’s said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. While simple—yet poetic—this phrase is the basic reason a person should love and feel good about themselves. Beauty is relative to that which we are beholden to so that if, as Christians, we believe we were created by God as an image pleasing to Him, He must find us beautiful, true? If so, then each of us, whether pleasant to look at from the outside or internally beautiful or even possessor of both qualities, is uniquely and purposefully beautiful to the One who breathed sweet breath in to our lungs. And considering we each are constant subjects to self-doubt, jealousy, and backwards thinking when considering the beauty of another, it makes little to no sense to rest our self-confidence in the wayward opinions of the human kind. So if a person finds reason to call us ugly and do so with a malice tongue, then they are not worthy of the worry we allot them.

Allow me to take things a step further in case you don’t consider yourself a Christian: The fact that you’re breathing as you’re reading this proves that you house value within the human life you possess. As a human life, your value proves your worth in the very essence of its definition. Your beauty comes from the worth you have held within your soul your whole life. I don’t care what you’ve been told or how severely you’ve been put down before. Put that away now. You are beautiful and that is because you are worth something. Your worth is in the breath you breathe and in the beauty you place in this world. Internal or external, shining or hidden, you inherently posses the beauty you wish to have. It’s there. It just needs to be recognized and acknowledge. You are beautiful. I see it. Won’t you?"

I love how amazing God is. I have been talking to Him lately about beauty; mainly that I don't find myself or consider myself beautiful. I know that God considers me beautiful and that I was made in His own image, but I find myself lately looking in the mirror and feeling like I'm lacking. This has been a wonderful encouragement. I pray it encourages you as well. Be blessed.

source

God's Definition of Beauty

2011-10-03T17:11:00.001-04:00

"Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God." 1 Peter 3:3-5 (NLT)

Last Night: Switchfoot & Anberlin at The Best Buy Theatre

2011-09-26T15:08:00.000-04:00

An absolutely EPIC experience. I will forever remember last night.....

Mad to Love: Scars

2011-09-21T09:23:00.000-04:00

"The blackened ink sits beneath my skin, ingrained and unmoving, permanent for the rest of my life.

Each marking gleams to me, reminding me of the times in which I felt they were needed and craved upon.

I wear most with shame now, each independent brand standing in tainted tribute to love’s lost and callings claimed.

I look upon them with a sorrowful, watering eye as they remind me of my brutal fights and wearing battles, times of beating myself alone in a cold darkness and begging for peace.

Even with my righted life now blazenly and poetically pointed toward the good and holy times I’ve been absent in, the visible scars of my past shine with unrelenting focus, evidence of where I’ve been but not where I’m going, of who I was but not of who I’ve become, of my dastardly failures but not of my coming victories.

Scarred yet now willfully barren and internally clean, I have relented my days to You, praying for Your ever-lasting peace to wash me new.

No longer the holder of a desperate need to add and hide my battle wounds in plain sight, I proudly and humbly display my inked and bleeding scars for You, announcing the greatness and mercy one may posses when they turn their meaningful scars of yesteryear to You."

You will probably see more of Cory Copeland's writings on my blog because his brutal honesty and deep love for Christ has been an encouragement to me. I hope it will be an encouragement to you as well. Be blessed.

Cory Copeland's Tumblr

Wise Words of Jane Austen

2011-09-20T13:06:00.000-04:00

So true Miss Austen, so true.

What Can I Say?

2011-09-20T13:03:00.000-04:00

This weekend has been an experience. I went to the mountain and came back with a determination to live a life that represents Christ in all aspects. It is so amazing that I used to think that I was experiencing God only to have Him show me that what I was experiencing was nothing compared to what I can experience now. There are higher levels to experience in Him! I am humbled that He would love someone like me....I have made up my mind, there's no turning back.

Going Through the Motions & Giving My All

2011-09-12T13:11:00.002-04:00

This might hurt, it's not safe

But I know that I've gotta make a change

I don't care if I break,

At least I'll be feeling something

'Cause just okay is not enough

Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,

"What if I had given everything,

instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time

I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind

Let Your love make me whole

I think I'm finally feeling something

'Cause just okay is not enough

Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,

"What if I had given everything,

instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)

take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)

take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)

take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,

"What if I had given everything,

instead of going through the motions?"

I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,

"What if I had given everything,

instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)

take me all the way (I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)

take me all the way (through the motions)

take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

This song has been heavily on my mind today. This Thursday, my sister and I will leave to go on a retreat in Upstate New York. It isn't like those Youth retreats I usually go on; this will be a life changing, higher level in Christ, leaving a totally different way retreat. I'm excited and at the same time I'm nervous. The bible verses I've come across lately are all about giving my all:

"And he answered,^'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, andyour neighbor as yourself.'" Luke 10:27

"You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

"And if you will indeed obey my commandments that I command you today,to love the LORD your God, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul." Deuteronomy 11:13

"Only fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For considerwhat great things he has done for you." 1 Samuel 12:24

What does giving your all look like these days? And how do we make sure we're not going through the motions just so people won't know or suspect something is wrong? I don't know about you, but I desire a higher level in Christ. Let me rephrase that: I don't desire a higher level, I NEED a higher level. I can't go on in this society and in this time with a lackluster anointing. I need to be empowered, recharged, I need that coming from the mountain glowing because I had a serious encounter with God experience. The one that doesn't fade a week after but leaves me hungry and thirsty for more of Him. I have been asking God to show me how to live a life that is totally surrendered to Him; not just feel the way people say I should be feel a total and complete change....I feel He will have an answer for me on the retreat. Be blessed.

Do It Yourself- My Utmost for His Highest Devotional

2011-09-09T17:40:00.000-04:00

". . . bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ . . . —2 Corinthians 10:5

Determinedly Discipline Other Things. This is another difficult aspect of the strenuous nature of sainthood. Paul said, according to the Moffatt translation of this verse, “. . . I take every project prisoner to make it obey Christ . . . .” So much Christian work today has never been disciplined, but has simply come into being by impulse! In our Lord’s life every project was disciplined to the will of His Father. There was never the slightest tendency to follow the impulse of His own will as distinct from His Father’s will— “the Son can do nothing of Himself . . . ” (John 5:19). Then compare this with what we do— we take “every thought” or project that comes to us by impulse and jump into action immediately, instead of imprisoning and disciplining ourselves to obey Christ.

Practical work for Christians is greatly overemphasized today, and the saints who are “bringing every thought [and project] into captivity” are criticized and told that they are not determined, and that they lack zeal for God or zeal for the souls of others. But true determination and zeal are found in obeying God, not in the inclination to serve Him that arises from our own undisciplined human nature. It is inconceivable, but true nevertheless, that saints are not “bringing every thought [and project] into captivity,” but are simply doing work for God that has been instigated by their own human nature, and has not been made spiritual through determined discipline.

We have a tendency to forget that a person is not only committed to Jesus Christ for salvation, but is also committed, responsible, and accountable to Jesus Christ’s view of God, the world, and of sin and the devil. This means that each person must recognize the responsibility to “be transformed by the renewing of [his] mind. . . .” (Romans 12:2)."

I have to say that this was an amazing read this morning for my daily devotional. I hope that you guys are blessed as well.

source

New Julie Lessman Novel!!!!

2011-09-08T17:20:00.000-04:00

A Heart Revealed: (A Winds of Change Novel) is the next novel on my Must Read list!!!! Counting down the days until it arrives. Be blessed this weekend.

Adele for Vogue UK

2011-09-07T12:51:00.001-04:00

Adele is beautiful, not only beautiful but talented. Because she's not a size 4 she will never grace the fashion magazines like the other talent(less) singers and celebs....sigh...I had the pleasure of seeing her live back in 2008 and I will never be the same.

image source

Mad to Love: The Good Girls

2011-08-31T12:18:00.001-04:00

Found this amazing read on tumblr:

"They’re out there…somewhere, wrapped in lovely smiles and beautiful laughter. They’re the reason we walk the streets with hope-filled eyes and longing hearts. They’re the reason we maintain faith in our story’s happy ending. They’re what we ache for and who we strive to impress. They are the good girls and though they grow scarce as the days fall past, they are the hidden treasures worth a thousand Sparrow’s journey.

They are those who pull you close with their goodness while melting you with their shimmering, wonderful light. They’re the ones who hold their beliefs tightly, clinging to them because they realize where their salvation lies. They are those that possess a once broken heart, never trusting readily but when they do, they give you all they have. They’re the mighty ones, small in their rarities yet feverish in their reaches for greatness. They are the humble givers who put us all before themselves while never letting those saintly smiles fall from their softened lips. They’re the goodly ones with hearts of gold and the presence of respected royalty.

They are those who not only deserve our respect, but expect it. They are those that become the best of wives, and mothers, and friends. They are the loyal loving who praise us with their voice while supporting us with their actions, lifting us in reverence and warming us in beautiful grace. They are the Godly ones, blanketed in favor and blessed with a thankful heart. They’re the feistiness that will pepper our days with quick-witted banter and winking slights of flirtation. They are the heart-bursting few, holy in their walk and nurturing in their disposition.

There’s a parade of them to be found and they truly are the home we seek. They hold the key to the happiness we promise ourselves and the satisfaction we crave. They’re waiting patiently for those of us who are worthy to meet their calling, for they are the revered, the wanted. They are the goodly reward bestowed upon the strong in heart and mighty of courage. They’re the good girls, and they are to be sought, loved and respected. They are the good girls and they’re out there, simply waiting to be discovered."

I love this tumblr!!!

source

I Am Not My Own

2011-08-30T12:32:00.001-04:00

"Ordo you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?You are not your own, for you were bought with a price.So glorify God in your body."
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (ESV)

I love these verses. Not only because they cancel out everything the world says about our body belonging to us so we can do what we want, but they also shows us how sacred our body is. Our body is a temple. The definition of a temple is an edifice or place dedicated to the service or worship of a deity (God, for us Christians). A temple is also a place of that the Holy Spirit inhabits. My body is a temple....that's a pretty sobering discovery. The Holy Spirit lives in me. In me! So....that means that it must always be kept clean, must always be cleansed, checked for cracks, leaks etc.

I am not my own. Well, that changes everything. If I was my own, I can do whatever, whenever, however with whoever, but since I was bought with a price (Jesus' blood) and now belong to Him; I have to live a life that allows Him to be able to call on me at all times...that being said I move to my next topic.

Lately, I have taken out certain things (coffee...sigh..., excess sugars, salts, etc.) from my eating habits because I have to start beating my body into shape for the dance ministry. And from my daily devotionals, God seems to agree with me. To be honest, it has to be one of the hardest things to do: to remind myself that my body is the Lord's temple and what I do or don't do (insert lack of exercise and sleep) and put into it really matters. So when I went for that run last week and my body was crying out in protest I had to recite Philippians 4:13 to myself (literally, it was that bad) to keep going.

The good thing is I'm noticing the difference already, and I am going to need the extra energy for the 6 hour rehearsals with the dance teams and that doesn't even include the hours for working on the dances and music.....which brings me to the next topic: music. I love good music; get a guitar and drums involved and I am happy, get some soca involved and you have trouble. Lol, what can I say, its the Barbadian in me. My hips just start to move. I have to admit lately I have drifted from my Christian music to secular indie bands and my old poison of choice: Maroon 5. Listening to Maroon 5 and trying to keep pure thoughts is not possible, I mean have heard their lyrics? Their lyrics give me visuals....visuals grow into desires....desires grow into opportunities.....opportunities grow into sin....sin prevents me from ministering in dance....which prevents the message that God has called me to deliver to be aborted....which puts me back at square one....which is me further back than where I need to be....which translated to delete Maroon 5 off of my Pandora.
So, now that I am aware of what I am putting in my temple, how I am taking care of my temple, the music that I listen to that sets an atmosphere of worship, He will always be able to us me... I can't wait to get there. Be blessed.

Hurricane- Jimmy Needham

2011-08-27T17:42:00.001-04:00

I have built a city here Half with pride and half with fear
Just wanted a safer place to hide
I don’t want to be safe tonight

CHORUS
I need You like a hurricane
Thunder crashing, wind and rain
To tear my walls down
I’m only Yours now
I need you like a burning flame
A wild fire untamed
To burn these walls down
I’m only Yours now
I’m only Yours now

I am Yours and You are mine
You know far better than I
And if destruction’s what I need
Then I’ll receive it Lord from Thee
Yes, I’ll receive it Lord from Thee

(Chorus)

And it’s Your eye in the storm
Watching over me
And it’s Your eye in the storm
Wanting only good for me
And if You are the war
Let me be the casualty
‘Til I’m Yours alone
I am only Yours
I am Yours alone, Lord

(Chorus)

Come be my hurricane

Behind the Song:
”Though it’s an uncomfortable thought, before God can really begin to use a person for His purposes, He must break that person. Brokenness is not a popular idea in our culture, but there is usually no sweeter time of intimacy with God than when He takes our life, our sinful habits, and destroys them so that He can build us up again. Yes the LORD is a loving father; yes He is our savior and help in time of need, but sometimes, He shows up as a hurricane. May we embrace Him when He does.” – Jimmy Needham

How Great is My Savior's Love For Me

2011-08-18T18:22:00.000-04:00

I am not perfect. In fact, I will gladly point out my errors: I am a complete mess. I am not someone that anyone should look to as an example of Christ but rather an example of the capacity of Christ's love. He took me broken up, disgusted, filled with suicidal thoughts, left for dead and He gave me life.....Even better, He laid down His life for mine. What kind of man would do that? No man actually but Jesus. God loved me soooo much that He looked past my present state and saw where I would be in Him and my future state. He didn't tell me "if you mess up again, that's it" but instead He kept using His blood to wipe away my transgressions, my faults, my disappointments, everything....at this moment as I type this I find myself more in awe of Him then before. Jesus Christ, God, the Holy Spirit.....The Three-In-One. My Father, my Brother, my Friend, my Lover of my soul, my Judge, my Provider, my Healer, my Peace. God sent His Son Jesus to die for someone who is so unworthy but God wanted to give me the chance to live.

Free People Sheer Stripe Romper

2011-08-10T16:59:00.001-04:00

So I waited forever for this and I finally got to wear it to see the Alexander McQueen Savage Beauty exhibit at the MET. It was a very, very interesting experience.

Natural Model: Nikia Phoenix

2011-08-05T15:44:00.002-04:00

She's a stunning model and well grounded; which is rare these days. I love her freckles!

Nikia's Blog

Don't Read Between the Lines....

2011-08-01T11:36:00.009-04:00

I've been blessed with the opportunity to read a wonderful book entitled: Emotional Purity: An Affair of the Heart . It ties into the discussion I've been having with my last single girl friends lately. Though we may not be in romantic relationships (with the opposite sex), we still have a tendency to emotionally attach ourselves tothem. Point in case: I have a friend (male) who says the most random things, I mean the most random things to me; and if I wasn't someone guarding my heart and emotions I would do what I would have done in the past: read between the lines. Something so simple as a male friend telling me they like my perfume would have launched me into a spending spree to buy enough perfume to keep on hand, lol (so serious -_-). Let's be honest, I'm not the only one who has read between the lines. One sentence from a guy we like or think is cute launches us into hour-long conversations with our girl friends breaking down the sentence word-by-word. The end result is that we're more attached (emotionally) than we were before and now we're convinced that he must like us; I mean why would he say that if he didn't, right? Lol...and it spirals downward from there. The problem isn't girls over read everything only, but guys are not careful with their words. Words are very powerful; they can build us up, tear us down. So, a girl who has a crush on a guy will either continue to like him or not based on his words first. It boils down to this: Men (not boys) say what you mean to say, and girls guard your hearts.....please, guard your hearts.

Under Construction

2011-07-28T18:18:00.000-04:00

When its all done....this whole process, I will come out as pure gold. Sometimes I have to get back in the fire because God discovers more impurities in me. Sometimes I have to be hit with the hammer so I can take the shape that I'm destined to take.....as I go through it I remind myself that I'm still under construction and the end result will be amazing. When you build a building, they have to pull up the ground work, and lay the foundation. The work on the inside must be completed before there's an outer change. They have to put an "Under Construction" sign so people can be reminded that this is a work in progress. But the end result is just like the blue prints....God's blue prints. So stay encouraged, and be blessed.

Musings on Tumblr

2011-07-27T16:34:00.001-04:00

So....I finally decided to join Tumblr and I love it. My Tumblr is called Grace Kelly meets Grace Jones It's silly, I know but I wanted a tumblr that would best described me. So come look at the images, and little tidbits that inspire me daily. Be blessed.

I Want! Toms + The Row Alexandria Classics

2011-07-25T11:03:00.002-04:00

This is perfect for those Fall weekends with a pair of straight leg jeans and an oversize sweater. They're cashmere and Italian wool blend (sigh) and come in black (Alexandria), grey (Hayden) and plaid (Larry).

Tom's

Jane Austen In Real Life

2011-07-22T23:42:00.000-04:00

This is the perfect way to sum up my day:

"I could more easily forgive his vanity had he not wounded mine."
Elizabeth Bennet, Pride & Prejudice (2005 Version)

Pamela Anderson Couture Stockings

2011-07-21T13:13:00.000-04:00

I am not going to discuss Pamela Anderson's past; I'm not a judge.....I was so excited when I heard that she designed a line of "couture" stockings or thigh highs really called Pamela Couture Collection. I love thigh highs, they're so lady like!!! Anyway, the line is amazing! It makes me think of lady meets vixen, I can't wait to get a pair for fall. Especially the pair with the seam up the back of the leg (I have a pair of stockings from AA that have the seam up the leg). More images below...(not for the faint of heart, lol).

image source

Hayley Atwell at the Captain America Premiere

2011-07-20T11:49:00.003-04:00

I absolutely love Hayley Atwell!!! She's an amazing actress, my favorite character she played was as Mary Crawford in the Masterpiece Theatre: Mansfield Park remake. I can't wait to see her in this movie. I love this dress on her. She looks amazing and the dress definitely compliments her curves.

image source 1 image source 2&3

Jane Austen Clutch Bags

2011-07-19T10:04:00.006-04:00

Kate Spade

In Vain I Have Struggled. It Will Not Do...

2011-07-18T16:03:00.002-04:00

"In vain I have struggled. It will not do."- Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice

I have found myself avoiding writing this entry.....for a while now. I refused to even write it in my diary, say it to friends, and when I pray to God about it I know I sound extremely baffled by the whole situation. It’s barely a whisper as it leaves my lips. I find myself surprised, trying to think about when did it start, how did it happen? …Isn't that how it always is? It's when you least expect it...... the person you least expect and/or happens when you have no clue how it’s going to play out. For me to say it to God and to myself is one thing, but to say it to others, write it, even acknowledge it opens me up to what I fear the most: rejection. One of my favorite verses comes to mind as I deal with my fear: 1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love, butperfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has notbeen perfected in love.” (ESV). I am in God, God is love. So His perfect love removes all fear from me because fear poses as a hindrance…. I really don’t know what tomorrow will hold, how this will play out or if it will play out and not just be something in my head. I encourage my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to trust Him always, acknowledge Him in all you do and He will direct you. Be blessed.

I Need A Sign...Lol

2011-07-13T15:00:00.000-04:00

This is seriously too funny...source

Too Funny!

2011-07-12T17:43:00.000-04:00

image source

Waiting......

2011-07-10T16:38:00.002-04:00

"but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."

......teach me Lord how to wait....

Expectations vs Reality

2011-07-07T13:12:00.002-04:00

I was watching my favorite modern movie (500) Days of Summer and always find myself connecting with the split screen showing Tom's expectations vs reality. I can't even count how many times that my expectations did not line up with reality......I'm done with my 500 days of Summer, it's time to meet Autumn. Lol.

image source

Beautiful....

2011-07-05T12:47:00.001-04:00

I was so unique

Now I feel skin deep

I count on the make-up to cover it all

Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention

I thought I could be strong

But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?

I'm dying for new life

I want to be beautiful

Make you stand in awe

Look inside my heart,

and be amazed

I want to hear you say

Who I am is quite enough

Just want to be worthy of love

And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me

Fighting to make the mirror happy

Trying to find whatever is missing

Won't You help me back to glory

You make me beautiful

You make me stand in awe

You step inside my heart, and I am amazed

I love to hear You say

Who I am is quite enough

You make me worthy of love and beautiful

Beautiful- Bethany Dillon

Happy Dependence Day

2011-07-04T23:34:00.001-04:00

To all my brothers and sisters in Christ: Happy Dependence Day. We can do all things THROUGH Christ who gives us strength!

1950's Pin Up Swimsuit Ideas

2011-06-30T22:20:00.003-04:00

Looking for ideas for a swimsuit for the summer, 1950's inspired of course:

image source

Hair Update- June 2011

2011-06-29T10:49:00.003-04:00

Excuse the crazy face. Lol. Time for a hair update. I have been using Kinky Curly Curling Custard once a week and refresh my hair in the morning with a combination of Kinky Curly Gloss Pomade and Jane Carter's Nourish and Shine. My problem I have been facing is shedding; my hair never shed before, but it is summer so I have to pay attention to how my hair responds to the weather. I have to do my homework on that. Also, I have to make sure my hair is moisturized at night. I used to use oils but that wasn't working so next week I will use my Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie and see if there's a difference....other than that....my hair has been growing since I chopped off the sides and most of the top. I have a wedding in September so I have to look for some ideas for hair pieces. Enough rambling for today. Be blessed.

Come Live In My Heart.....

2011-06-27T13:06:00.000-04:00

....and pay no rent.- Samuel Lover

image source

I Want!!!- Free People Sheer Stripe Romper

2011-06-23T14:37:00.001-04:00

I am sooo getting this next week:

image source

Liya, Liya, Liya!!!- The New Face of L'Oreal

2011-06-22T18:04:00.002-04:00

My favorite model of all time has to be Liya Kebede. She is such a beautiful and elegant model. I can't begin to say how much I love her!!! So, imagine my surprise and joy when I found out that she will be the new face of L'Oreal!!!! Yay!!!! Most of my fashion magazines I own is because Liya is in them. I had her on my wall, as a screen saver, smh. It was bad. But she was my reminder that I can be beautiful and be black. In the midst of all the same models, Liya used to walk down the runways with a smirk and still look regal.....That being said, spokesmodel will be just another hat to add to her growing collection: Designer for Lemlem, Actress (Desert Rose, The Good Shepherd,Lord of War), Ambassador (World Health Organization) for Maternal, Newborn, and Child Health, Writer (The Huffington Post), and Founder (The Liya Kebede Foundation)! They picked an amazing spokeswoman who has a heart for the innocent.

image source

What I've Been Listening To

2011-06-15T11:43:00.001-04:00

I haven't posted a playlist in ages and I have so many new songs and bands that I am always sharing with friends so I want to share with you guys. So here's the list of Top 10:

1. Hillsong United- Search My Heart
I love this song because of the request it makes. To ask God to search your heart is such a bold move; you know He will find things in you that are unclean and He will do something about it. But to be so in love with God that you want Him to do whatever it takes is my desire.

2. Marie Digby- Unfold
Marie Digby is a secular singer but I love the message of her song. She's aware that she's protected herself and built a wall so no one can see the real her and she's going to do something about it. It's an amazing song that I had to download after I heard it on my Brooke Fraser Pandora. It's become one of my empowering songs; to just unfold and be open without caring.

3. Worth Dying For- Through Your Eyes
Another amazing song from band Worth Dying For. The title alone lets you know that th song will be great. I love their sound and their lyrics.
4. Matt Redman- You Never Let Go
This song......I can't explain how much I am moved by it. I first heard the song during worship at Village Vespers and I knew I had to find out who sang it! My favorite part is the chorus: "Oh no, You never let go, through the calm and through the storm. Oh no, You never let go, through every high and every low. Oh no You never let go. Lord, You never let go out me."

5. Switchfoot- Hello Hurricane
You know those songs that have you ready the dance around in the streets smiling and looking like an idiot? This is definitely it! Hello Hurricane which is their title track is an amazing song that declares that no matter what comes my way, my love for God will not be weakened, or changed! Did I also mention that I love Switchfoot? No, well I love Switchfoot!!!!

6. Nate Fowler- Alive
Mr. Fowler has been on my radar since I heard his songs "I'm On My Way" and "Hurricane". This song ended up on replay as song as I downloaded it yesterday. All I can say is awesome.

7. Tye Tribbet- All For You
It's a perfect party song. It's praises God and makes sure you have a good time as well. I have to say I'm not a gospel fan but Tye Tribbet always finds a way to have me singing his songs, lol.

8. Know Hope Collective- Attention
Know Hope Collective is Mark Stuart and Will McGinniss from Audio Adrenaline. The song is different from their old sound but the song is beautiful. It tells God to speak to them because He has their attention. In this day an age its a challenge to just silence everything and let God speak to our hearts.

9. Switchfoot- Free
Hello!!!! It's Switchfoot, should I have to explain that Jon Foreman writes the most amazing, vivid lyrics that grab you right to your core and you find yourself wondering why you never thought to describe it like that....sorry, random outburst. I just love this song, amongst all of their songs, lol.

10. Burlap to Cashmere- Build A Wall
Burlap to Cashmere is back!!!!!! I LOVE this song! It still has the amazing song that is Burlap to Cashmere but you can hear that they have grown and matured the sound. I was so upset I missed their concert, but this song makes me sure I won't miss the next.

So, that's my list. Be blessed.

Fearless

2011-06-14T15:29:00.001-04:00

"There is no fear in love, butperfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has notbeen perfected in love." 1 John 4:18

Perfect love casts out fear. Fear is a crippling agent; it prevents growth, movement, freedom. Love is & of God and where God is so is the spirit of liberty, or freedom. So, what do I do when I get nervous and fearful about the next step or chapter in my life? I remind myself that God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, LOVE and a sound mind....Love, it always comes back to love. Love is what moves us, is behind most of the decisions that we make, even the excuse we hide behind to justify what we do; but what happens if we let ourselves be exposed to the PERFECT LOVE? Can you imagine how different we would be? If we let ourselves be exposed to the Almighty God in all His greatness, awesomeness, perfectness. I remember when I first came across this verse, I was so shocked how it just spoke to my situation with such a simple answer I wanted to slap my head and say "duh". I have a relationship with my Lord and Savior and because of our relationship, His Perfect Love removes all my fears because He is not the type of God to cripple me and prevent me from moving forward. He's the exact opposite: He is the type of God who by His huge capacity to love a sinner like me, had His Son die for me so that I can move freely in Him. His love allows me to grow, learn, seek and love Him. The loves we experience now: Storge (love between family members), Philia (love between friends), and Eros (love between husband and wife) are just a piece of the love that God has for us. God's unconditional love (Agape) is a love that is so powerful it makes us fearless. We know that once we on on Team Jesus, we can face anything. You can face anything, and do anything through Jesus who gives you strength. Be blessed.

My Current Hair Regimen/Products

2011-06-11T17:14:00.003-04:00

I haven't updated you guys on my hair in awhile. So, my staple item is now Kinky Curly Curling Custard. I use it every week. So here is my new staple products:

Shampoo(s): Kinky Curly Come Clean Shampoo (new fav, smells amazing)
                    Carol's Daughter's Tui Herbal Shampoo (old staple, hasn't let me down yet)
*I shampoo more than I used to; like 2-3 times a month because I used the KCCC).

Conditioner(s): Kinky Curly Knot Today (LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it. I thought it was an overhyped product until I used it).
                      Herbal Essences Hello Hydration (do I need to explain how wonderful my dry hair feels after I cowash with this?
                     Herbal Essences Totally Twisted (I feel in love with this conditioner because its for curly hair, it works just as well as the Hello Hydration and it smells amazing!)

Deep Conditioner Treatment(s): Henna: OMGosh!!!!I love this. Henna has made my hair so much stronger. I do have to admit my curl pattern isn't as tight as it used to be, so I cut down to deep treatments every two weeks with henna as opposed to every week.
                                                 Brahmi Ayurvedi Herb: I mix my Brahmi with Olive Oil or Coconut Oil and leave it in overnight. My curls are so defined and ready to pop as soon as I wash it out.

Oils: Jojoba Oil
       Apricot Kernel Oil
       Grapeseed Oil (makes my curls pop!)
       Castor Oil (at night before I go to sleep)
       Olive Oil (use with my conditioning treatments)

Moisturizers: Water (lol, no seriously.)
                     Lush R&B (can't fail, never fails)
                     Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie (it doesn't really "enhance" the curl, it moisturizes it).
                     Qhemet Biologics Amla & Olive Heavy Cream (Godsend! I mix it with the balm)
                     Qhemet Biologics Olive & Honey Hydrating Balm (great by itself, but amazing with the heavy cream).

So I'm back to 1 month of growth and I promise myself I won't cop out and cut my hair anymore. So I will be updating you guys more about my natural hair journey and giving reviews on some products for the girls like me who have chronic dry hair. Be blessed!

......Sigh.....

2011-06-10T14:49:00.003-04:00

Adam Rogers......Yes please.....Lol

image source

Lara Stone: Modern Pin-Up

2011-06-08T15:06:00.002-04:00

image source

Vogue Italia June 2011

2011-06-03T12:15:00.001-04:00

Image Source

2011-06-02T13:08:00.001-04:00

"It will be said on that day,'Behold, this is our God; we have waited for Him, that He might save us.This is the LORD; we have waited for Him; let us be glad and rejoice in His salvation." Isaiah 25:9

Shine!!!!!!!

2011-05-27T13:26:00.001-04:00

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -Marianne Williamson

via Moptop Maven

2011-05-26T16:06:00.002-04:00

It's hard being a Christian. Christianity is all about living for Someone else (Jesus Christ); your life is no longer your own. You have to kill your flesh and fleshly desires daily. You live a life that is focused on departing, not giving in to the things of this world. In today's society, no one wants to live for another; they all want to live for themselves. My relationship with Christ is the best thing that has ever happened me. I am crucified with Christ, I no longer live but it is Him who now lives in me......Be encouraged to take a stand for Christ in a world that is not standing for anything at all.

Fayruz Abdiaman- Sutherland Models

2011-05-25T13:20:00.002-04:00

I LOOOOVVVVEEEEE her hair: Fayruz Abdiaman

Ferris of Urban Vintage

2011-05-24T17:43:00.003-04:00

Too cool.....

Rachel Stewart Jewelry

Rihanna at the Billboard Music Awards

2011-05-23T12:26:00.000-04:00

Love it! Max Azria pant suit, Solange Azagury Patridge necklace and Christian Louboutin Pigalle pumps:

image source

Natural Hair Length Goal: Yaya DaCosta

2011-05-22T23:35:00.001-04:00

The beautiful Yaya DaCosta: image source

Jodie Smith for ASOS Magazine June 2011

2011-05-19T13:42:00.004-04:00

I love this girl:

ASOS

Breathe....Just Breathe.....

2011-05-19T13:20:00.001-04:00

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplicationwith thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Lately I have been anxious; and there is no reason to be really. God has been blessing me: first with my job, with school (junior year is done!), and with a deeper understanding of where my ministry is. Yet, I'm still anxious. It's the No. 1 complaint any quarterlife will make: I'm single! In reality, if you look at it: I'm 26, beginning my career and finishing up school next year, the last thing on my mind should be adding more to my plate by thinking about being in a relationship. But from a Christian point of view: I'm 26!!!!! Lol. My main thing is that I miss companionship. I miss having someone to talk to everyday, go out with, have insider jokes with, etc. Every time I think about it, I look at it from the that point of view and I am ALWAYS reminded that God works on His time and He's always on time. So, what does this Bible verse tell me? Take a deep breath and talk to God, BE THANKFUL and let Him know what's on your mind/what you desire. Then He will give you a peace that even you can't understand. I know He's working it out, and that it will be more amazing than what I can think.....I just have to remember to take a deep breath and be anxious for nothing. Be blessed.

My Love: My Rings

2011-05-18T12:16:00.001-04:00

I never really post many fashion/pics of myself but I have to post these: my rings. I am a hardcore fan of all things silver and marcasite. I have 5 rings total: two on my left and 3 on my right. I brought them at thrift shops, and second hand stores. The black thumb ring is actually from H&M and its plastic! I love it nonetheless.

Julie Lessman, You Now Have A Fan Club!

2011-05-17T12:34:00.000-04:00

A while ago, I mentioned I was reading a series of books by Julie Lessman. So, after I finished them I told my cousin in-law and got her hooked! Recently, I was talking to my First Lady (the Pastor's Wife) and telling her about this book...she ordered it for her Kindle, and can you say the rest is history? Right now there are 4 of us reading/re-reading and loving the book. I can not say it enough: JULIE LESSMAN, YOU ARE A GODSEND IN THE LITERARY FIELD! I loved that I can read a book that is so real and also strengthens my walk in Christ. If my First Lady loves it, then you know you are anointed! LOL. If you haven't read her books, you should! Be blessed.

I'm No Longer A Fraud

2011-05-16T12:44:00.002-04:00

Last night, I had the pleasure of hearing a word that rocked me to my core. It was by Jesse Peterson, my pastor at Village Vespers (associate pastor at Neighborhood Church of Greenwich Village). I can't even put into words how it spoke to me. In the business that I work in (fashion) it is soooo easy to try to be someone else, to fit the ideas that people want to have of you or to even fit the mold for the job that you do. That was my main problem when I first started working in fashion: trying to be someone I was not. I can't even begin to imagine how much it grieved God that I was not happy with the person He made me to be and that I was trying to be someone else. It was like me telling God that He made a mistake when He created me this way. My new job has allowed me to be more like myself. I'm surrounded by people who love their job and love self-expression (did I mention that I work at my dream label?). I have to say that the one thing about realizing you're a fraud when you're a Christian is knowing that there is Someone that take over and handle it for you. I could say I don't know where I would be if I wasn't in the Lord, but that's not true: I would be dead, literally. But now I have someone who takes on my burdens, stress, pain, etc. and gives me strength, patience, love, peace, joy, etc. And believe me, in this business I need it. So, now that I'm no longer a fraud I have the freedom and the joy that comes with discovering who God intended me to be: and that's awesome. Be blessed.

New Job!!!!!!!!!!

2011-05-09T12:21:00.005-04:00

Guess where I'm working at:

image source

I Gotta Have It!!!!- FURLA Candy Bag

2011-05-07T11:51:00.000-04:00

image source

2011-05-04T11:00:00.003-04:00

When God Writes Your Love Story: Sha & Stephen

2011-05-03T09:51:00.000-04:00

.....It's amazing from beginning to end.

New Haircut!!!!

2011-05-01T10:48:00.003-04:00

It's very military inspired.

Jodie Smith for ASOS

2011-04-30T23:41:00.006-04:00

image source: flygirls.typepad.com

Kate Spade Naturalista Model!!!

2011-04-27T14:16:00.001-04:00

image source: katespade.com

2011-04-25T09:20:00.000-04:00

Help me raise money for a wonderful cause:

http://theovernight.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&eventID=500&participantID=2988

2011-04-23T09:14:00.001-04:00

Having Like Minded Companions on the Journey

2011-04-17T23:48:00.002-04:00

I had an amazing conversation with my fellow Village Versper tonight until fat droplets broke up our talk and I had to run to the train station. We were discussing the struggle it has been for us being single and not having anyone to relate to in this season. This has been an issue of mine for awhile. I have friends who are either engaged or married; and the conversation isn't to encourage me in the season now but to make me hope and look forward to the next season. But......what do I do now? I know all the bible verses of waiting on the Lord and being encouraged but to have someone say "I am there too, and it so frustrating!" makes me feel so much better. It's not easy; and I will never lie and say anything about it is. To wait on God when I am so used to taking things into my on hands takes time and a patient God who is working on me daily. And the thing is God knows I can't walk away; I need Him. So what can I say to my fellow single Christians who are waiting patiently/impatiently on the Lord? Continue to wait, and have people who are God minded in your camp. That is so extremely important. Fellow Christians will give you the Godly advice you need that will help you and keep you walking in the right direction: towards Christ. If there is someone who is in your same situation (a fellow single): talk to them. It will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. It is so important to also have a person who is stronger in their walk to talk to. I have the blessing of having my First Lady to talk to. She is like a big sister to me and I thank God everyday for her. I may not be able to talk to her as much as I used to, but when I do she always leaves a word with me that helps me further along in my walk. Finally, have literature that helps you now. I have read so many books about preparing for courtship and marriage but I have found that reading books about looking at this season as a blessing and not a transitional period helps me in my walk now. I want you to know that I am praying for you guys, especially in a society that looks at us like we have the plague when we tell them we are single and waiting on the Lord. Be blessed.

2011-04-12T23:14:00.001-04:00

"Why are you cast down O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? hope in God: for I shall yet praise Him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God"- Psalm 43:5

2011-04-07T23:44:00.002-04:00

"....I'll give it time; give it space and be still for a spell. When it's time to walk that way, we want to walk it well. I'll be waiting for you baby, I'll be holding back the darkest night. Love is waiting till we're ready; til its right. Love is waiting...."
Love is Waiting- Brooke Fraser

Look How Far We Come

2011-04-05T09:47:00.000-04:00

I have the blessing of keeping journals (I haven't been dedicated with constantly writing though, lol). The blessing isn't the actual journal but the entries. It is just amazing to look at my entries from 2-4 years back and I also have some as far back to High School! I can honestly say I can't believe how far the Lord has brought me. I look at the entries in moments of distress, when I am crying out to God, when He reveals things to me, etc. and I am truly amazed. I am determined now to keep up with my journal entries so that I can look back on it 10, 20 years from now and just see what was going on in my head, how God turned things around, and just how amazing He is and always will be. I encourage you to write your thoughts out and see how much clearer your mind feels. Be blessed.

2011-03-31T17:56:00.002-04:00

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, Oh Lord, my strength and Redeemer." -Psalm 19:14

Emotionally Promiscuous

2011-03-24T17:17:00.000-04:00

I awake; my head hurts, the light is too bright.

What time is it? What happened last night?
All the events come back to me; I throw the covers over my head in shame.
I realized I have been promiscuous again; but not with my body, with my emotions.

This seems to be something effecting the youth in the church lately. We like someone, throw our emotions on them with our baggage and don’t even consider the fact if they want it. I know I have been guilty of it more than once. My emotions run ahead of me, filling my mind with daydreams and expectations; and suddenly it ends. You see them for who they are really or they are not as amazing as you imagined them to be and now you’re left with the aftermath. They return your baggage with a few additional pieces. I have even been guilty of emotional one night stands: you meet someone, you get along (you think you two “clicked”) and you proceed to imagine how you will tell your children how you met; only to never see or talk to that person again. And if you do see them again, the conversation or “connection” wasn’t as it was before.

What also makes emotional abstinence even harder is when we’re in relationships. We normally start out wrong; we date someone to get to know them when really we should be hanging out with each other and keeping the romantic aspect of the relationship at bay. If we keep our emotions in check, than we can keep our bodies in check. We need to think about relationships the way God intended, not the way the world does. In Romans 12:2 (KJV) states “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, acceptable, and perfect will of God”. And I can say the perfect will of God is not throwing our emotions at each other or giving them away so freely. When you look at that verse it tells us if we don’t think like the world and have our minds renewed we will know what is good, what is acceptable and what is perfect in God’s will. One thing that is good, acceptable and perfect in the will of God is: The Fruit of the Spirit Self-Control (Galatians 5:22-23, or temperance in the KJV).

Self- Control is defined by the dictionary as “the act of denying yourself; controlling your impulses.” In everyday terms you can define it simply as controlling yourself. In this day and age, denying yourself or controlling your impulses is unheard of. But that definition alone is part of being a Christian. When we accept Christ it’s all about denying those fleshy things that try to drag us downward and away from God and allowing the Spirit to reign in us and over our lives so we can walk and be led by Christ. So, to tie this in with emotional promiscuity, we need to practice ALL the fruits of the Spirit to be able to protect our heart but also to make sure we don’t act on “impulses” but act in accordance with the Spirit’s leading…..This entry took a lot longer than I planned, but I hope that this blesses you. As God reveals more of Himself to me and shows me where I’m coming up short, it makes me want to share with others because I know there are many of us willing to be set apart and stand up for Christ. Be blessed.